first-batch-008the forest through the trees does seem to be one of the human experiences. that could have to do with us
being small universal bodies inside of larger universal bodies. The fraction of images certainly plays
out infinitely. so seeing the trees through the forest through the trees is quite the mental dance. when I’m in
desire to understand or even worse for another person to understand I’m in the mode of struggle, even when
white washed in a thick layer of love and good intention. Acceptance is on another level, a much higher
vibration of love or light than struggle. I often find myself feeling lost and in an echo chamber of loops.
I LOVE MY SISTER. my own inspiration that’s within me can totally be triggered by something or someone outside
of me. that instant trigger is like a light switch. One is that all my mental/”spiritual” techniques
that seem so potentially powerful get by-passed WITHOUT direction from space and seconds in time. the
switch is instant. often I AM in my frontal lobe and I find some where new to play. I’m in the moment,
creative and I’m enjoying my new mental environment. Then I think I figured something out and then I have grounds
for a theory which is me climbing a latter to nowhere. The theory gets old and has nothing to do with “the
unknown” then I feel lost and try to think my way out. The pressure of the struggle I can only handle for so long
then that “switch” happens. I’ve yet to think my way out of a struggle. At most I’ve struggle long enough that
my greater self with infinite compassion transmutes my struggle to ease…I’ve yet to receive the memo on “how”.
I am creating space to allow grace into my life. there’s a saying that we either learn through love or through
pain but we all have our lessons. I’m feeling there’s another word other than learn. None the less I have a
feeling that simply because I’m here doing what’s being done there’s a major element to grace and (deep)
intelligence that I’m on the path, regardless of my doubts and others praise/judgments…my lessons are being
had. when I feel pain I’m choosing to judge that as conformation that I’m “off the path”. but those are my
judgments. maybe I’m not seeing the bigger picture, too many trees. I get caught up in each little detail. no
wonder why I can feel so drained. maybe grace jumps in when I’ve exhausted my mind and while I rest without
defences….ya know…I see this in my sister. She dropped out of high school. that was a big deal for her
because she knew it wasn’t her path and while honoring that doubt and discomfort seemed to be disporting her
acceptance for version of truth. (being scared instead of being proud, hell I don’t blame her!) I love her.
she reminds me of the type of ownership I can have with my life. I totally respect what is meaningful to her.
that’s where I am in my life. allowing space to be held for what’s meaningful to me. okay, so let’s own
up, what’s meaningful to me:
my (body & gaia) health through raw living foods
my healing through conscious awareness, inspiration, love
creating/receiving art and beauty as statements/language
my romantic expression
co-empowering my family, community, loved ones with selfless support
creating/participating in different models of success, co-operation

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