I am friends with a girl, ten years of friendship and at this stage in the game I think that me being her friend is as far as the friendship goes and I love her! I’m totally cool (at this point) with her maybe not being that into being my friend…maybe because I’m not christian. she’s not talking to me so can’t say for sure why but we talked about “god” and we never talk about god. actually the last 2 times we saw each other that was all we talked about. god. then that was it is. now, I love her and know that the human experience is complicated so I’m choosing not to whittle it down and say “that is why”, it maybe something else, something that i have nothing to do with . And I know her and maybe could even foresee something like this coming up so with knowing that its fine.

PLUS what ever I said while we were talking a few months ago I don’t even stand by what I said. all my thoughts, feelings and theories on how things work change in small progressions daily. so if she’s having any emotions about what I have said or holding me to believing this or that, NO NEED PLEASE. my ideas are castles in the sand. I have a great respect AND passion for the unknown and as soon as I figure it out it changes, I’m starting to get why I think of it as the unknown.

what I’m saying is:

truth seems self created which off the cuff may sound undermining. To me beauty and creativity are powerhouses of love. creating genuine truth for myself is an act of freedom requiring undoing what others say to be true and tailoring my own suite of truth to fit me daily.I’ll wear mine so it fits me, get your own. I’ll assist you and you’ll assist me to receive what fits best but it comes down to honesty not conformity.

mi-art-011this is from the Tao Te Ching the highest good is like water nourishing life effortlessly. you may think as I have now and then that if you allow effortlessly things won’t get (un)done and stay lame. There’s a lot of layers to social conditioning that I thought were parts of me and when I feel who I am I notice this isn’t me, this is something I was trained into agreeing with. now I can read, talk and think about what’s to do to get out of that, plan of action. That effort is good! my highest good however is effortless and just” being” things start to unfold and I’m in my desired outcome. in meditation I feel me! when I’m wowed or scared or anything in between when I remember to get back in my body and feel what’s going on HERE. me “being” is so effortless that I can go over there with my mind and babysit what you’re doing then come back to myself and feel a whole world going on with out me doing a thing. ignoring something isn’t effortless!

tomorrow all this maybe different, I say it because it has meaning, tomorrow will have new meaning. I love you!