hyper-rational and theory.

wow, tolle wasn’t lying. he said that our mind/awareness/consciousness is like the light from a flash light. and while in darkness just shining our awareness will brighten up what was once dark. cutting through fog(?) I remember the word fog being in there at some point.

just naming shit it changes it. so i named it, hyper-rational and theory and more and more were those things being so pronounced  in my life. in my vague ideas of spiritual something it clicked.  things were a bit hyper-rational and theory. I’m idealistic so sure, I’ll do something like that, but it doesn’t have to be that. the immune system of my physical body is always on! there is not a day when it’s job is done…and like my mind there’s always things to filter out and upgrade, why have i felt the subtle feelings of subconscious judgments…noticing something come up is my mind doing it job well. just like getting a cold. I’m not down and out, just down and I am soon back up. where my gratitude in those moments? my mind subtly judges my thoughts as if I was to think this one awesome thing that would make me something more than what i really am. i have a deeper game of me trying to prove who i am to myself more than to you….you just happen to play along sometimes. deep exhale. i’m just worrying about the wrong thing, my mind got off course but it did a great job of that!…

when the body works radiantly there’s little  feed back…same with my thoughts. until then i’m still doing really good. the feed back is because the system is working! no feed back would actually be a really bad sign…I think there’s a death wish secretly wrapped in all this.

I am choosing to listen to my self. being aware of what I! feel, shining my light on me. here I am. I love and accept myself now. I am saying yes to my life and dreams. I thank my cast for playing along. we did beautifully.

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