when i was teenager i would look at adults and wonder why no one seemed to have their shit together. the thought was a bit vague because “their shit” implied personal responsibility but the word shit was an umbrella term that included social collective things such as world peace, feeding the hungry & sheltering the homeless, etc. when i got into my mid 20s i added to my list food forest. why didn’t my parents plant me a food forest and built me a house so that i could sail free into my future. didn’t they know it could take up to 50 years for a walnut tree to grow it’s first food?!

last year i really had to unwind the life time of stories i told myself and the daily reinforcing i had done to the tunnels in my mind. now seeing things from a wider perspective the term “have their shit together” seems elementary at best. the problems that i dwelt on for so long, the different stances i had taken over the year, the contradictory behavior that i had compulsively done in order to be right and consistent has led to this perceptive; shits sooo complicated and there’s no way to have all of the information.

there’s a zen quote: the map is not the territory.

from pinterest

from pinterest

i’m going to leave that thought incomplete and change gears. here’s some numbers that i played with to put our time in perspective and this is what i’ve come up with. when i first came up with these numbers mark said “that’s not completely true” to which i replied, “I KNOW THAT”. this is just food for thought, a thought i’ve been engaged with for a long time.

here’s my idea, we having 10 years of time to DO what we want or are meant to do.

age 25-55 is 30 years of life, seems vast enough to get shit done.
here’s an average work day:
8h work +7h sleep + 2h food/hygiene +1h commute +1h checking email/grocery store/general life maintenance = 19 hours which leave a person 5 hours a of life to live. 5h free per day X 5 days a week + 30 hours free on weekend = 55 hours a week to live. 85,000 hours of free time during 30 years = 9.79 years out of 30 to live.

what all does this mean? that a person may not have a life time to figure out what they want. they may only have a 10 out of 30 years to invest in them self if they’re occupied for 8 hours a days with something that doesn’t inspire them. plus spending 8 hours a days doing something by force can be really draining. how many of us decompress by pissing away time playing on facebook or watching youtube/netflix? on the flip side if you do what you love then you’re living life to the fullest (at least from a time perspective). than again quality of time might speak volumes over quantity of time, doing the best with what you have.

i’ll be 31 in a few months and doesn’t look like i’ll be making moves towards anything solid (like building a house & food forest) for years. i could be 40 when the most basic parts of my life come together. it just seems so delayed to the youthful part of my mind that wanted shit figured out long before i was born.

in the end all this is really a mystery. sometimes that sounds like a cop out but shit really does unfold in ways that are unexpected . plus time is tricky. the older i get the faster time seems to move, days collapse into one another and months go by faster seems reasonable. presents is timeless. this all seems tricky.

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